a neuron playground.

career lists, eh?

2007-09-14T02:35:35Z

my favoritest career list evar?

yeah, probably this:
http://derspatchel.livejournal.com/585515.html

(no Spatches were harmed in the posting of that post. *I THINK*.)

[giggling rather a lot]

2007-07-20T13:40:45Z

this morning, a cow orker went to leave a voicemail message for a computer user. he started telling them that he'd fixed their machine and to come pick it up, when suddenly it said to him:
"Your message is too short."

and hung up on him.

um.
(HAHAHAHAHAHA! i absolutely love WTF-technology sometimes.)

AAAAAAAAAAGH!

2007-07-17T16:29:02Z

when you finally give in, and squeeze the Squeeze Chicken, it, um.

attempts to lay an egg.

(um.)

AAAAAAAAGH. (never. AGAIN.)

you know, BECAUSE I'M UNIQUE! [giggles a lot]

2007-07-17T13:02:05Z

a chicken! it probably means something.

while away, for my Long *Weird* Weekend (mostly good, mostly good!), the office gnomes came by my desk. it's been awhile since they offered a gift, but they must love me again, for they left behind a mini rubber chicken. (not as mini as the voodoo chicken replicas, just, you know, smaller than a regular regulation-sized rubber chicken, or, um, the olympic-sized one.)

actually, i'm almost sorry to have to report this, but its label informs me that this is a genuine "SQUEEZE CHICKEN".
[ahem] i would like to officially offer this up as a new euphemism, for those of my friends who need to use them.

(hm. i must find a suitable gift to leave in return.)

the Zathras quote on my cabinet at work.

2007-07-03T18:03:44Z

(it seemed somehow appropriate.)

"But only Zathras have no-one to talk to. No-one manages poor Zathras, you see. So Zathras talks to dirt. Sometimes talks to walls, or talks to ceilings. But dirt is closer. Dirt is used, through everyone walking on it. Just like Zathras, but we've come to like it. It is our role. It is our destiny in the universe. So, you see, sometimes dirt has insects in it. And Zathras likes insects. Not so good for conversation, but much protein for diet. Ha! Zathras fix now, this way."

(another of my favorites:
"...this wrong tool. *Never* use this.")

yay, Teh Funny!

2007-06-26T00:35:32Z

so, if you're really arachnophobic, to the point where even cartoon spiders freak you out a little, then you no clicky, okay? just sayin'.

for the rest of ya: this little 'toon amused me greatly.

poor wittle windows machine....

2007-06-22T15:45:12Z

kicking computers to make 'em work, tra la la!

[looks at clock]

this machine has been deleting Temporary Internet Files for one hour now.

it's 13 percent done.

WHEEEEEEEEEEE!

leaping because they can!

2007-06-21T13:32:16Z

(...and sometimes, smacking the hell outta people! wheeeee! hey, ow!)

when in florida, keep an eye out for these apparently overly-exuberant fishies!

uh-huhuhuhhrmrhurhuhuhuhehehhuhuh.

2007-06-15T21:29:03Z

i said "wood".
(hee HEE hehehuhehuh. settle-down-Beavis.)

http://freshgasflow.com/ourcrazyplanet/wooden_house.htm

(and wow, that guy sure looks realistic, doesn't he?)

oh, good freakin' grief.

2007-06-14T01:26:46Z

not *AGAIN*.
[sighs]
[gets cricket bat ready]

i have no idea why this is so amusing to me, but....

2007-06-06T22:11:34Z

...Richard Gere's middle name is "Tiffany"? COOL.

[goes off to laugh a bit more]

whale-cam!

2007-05-03T17:31:44Z

a live webcam: Beluga whales.

in other Weasel News

2007-04-26T19:29:32Z

traveling weasels!! (yes, that is the name of my next band, why do you ask?)

anyway:
http://weaseltrek.com/

Dear Sirs: I Wish To Register A Complaint.

2007-04-26T15:04:43Z

the US Daylight Saving Time alteration causes problems in more ways than one. bwahaha

(i like the way this guy writes letters.)

http://www.snopes.com/humor/letters/daylight.asp

holy fuck.

2007-04-25T20:22:59Z

just talked to my brother on the phone.

my father's house burned to the ground on monday.

(everyone is okay. except the house and everything in it.)

Do Not Disturb signs: my favorite so far.

2007-04-21T22:36:42Z

(printed on the back of a local sandwich shop menu, which was shaped to be hung on a door handle)

"Knock and Die!

I need total peace and quiet. I'm in touch with a creative love vibe from the center of the earth, tapped into my own special personal meditative wavelength, tuned into all the earth's positive energy.

I think you know what I'm driving at: Disturb me, and I'll crack your skull like a walnut."

a shameful confession.

2007-04-15T17:41:11Z

hello, my name is beth, and i am a Bad MovieHolic.

(waits for "hello, beth".)

i just thought i should admit, on my own LJ as well as the post i already made on the Bad Movie Night community, that i have actually paid money (more than one dollar, i might add) for the movie Anaconda.

i lost my mind. i want revenge. i don't know, *something*. i do not blame myself, but rather, i point fingers at certain specific people. (if you think it's you, YEAH, IT IS. [giggles])

i am SO inflicting this on You People at some point soon. (yay, i got to use "You People"!!)

anyway. i still can't believe i paid money for it.

[attempts going through 12-step program]

[takes step one: admitting that the movies HAVE A PROBLEM.]

since weasels are involved, I must point out....

2007-04-03T11:15:08Z

...that today is Cheese Weasel Day!

hope you have a good one!

bwahahaha. there's always fun-evil at work.

2007-03-30T14:33:06Z

"why yes, sir, your Windows should boot up okay now."

(now that the chkdsk process has taken care of recovering the orphaned file "Stephanie Swift does Bukkake!.mpg", among many other interestingly named files, it should boot just fine, again. yep.)

the evil midnight tagger what tags at midnight!!

2007-03-26T03:38:19Z

oh yeah. i have *finally* gotten around to going back through lots of old posts and doing the keyword thing.

there are sure going to end up being LOTS OF THEM. wow. heheh. but, this is fun.

this tagging thing is more addictive and far less chore-like than i thought it would be.

(..."You have all become victims of the Evil Midnight Bomber what bombs...Hey! Pay attention!")

what do i look like, some kind of PANTS GOBLIN?!?

2007-03-22T23:35:21Z

er, no, wait. Bad Movie Night flashbacks again. sorry, sorry.
[shakes head vigorously to clear bad memories of Costco greeters]

anyway.

what i meant to say was that today was a good day at work:
after several hours of uncertainty and "this may work or it may not" computer-kicking, i rescued a woman's dissertation (which Windows XP had completely eaten, in a fit of pique or something). in the process i also found some other old files she had forgotten about and was going to be able to put to further use in finishing her work. i just looooove doin' stuff like that. she cried tears of joy.

"...and when we come back tomorrow, we can settle up whatever the bill is, thank you thank you thank you thankyouthankyouthankyou," she said.
me - "oh, didn't i mention? we don't charge." [grin]

(admittedly, after she left, i did walk past a cow orker's office, dusting my hands efficiently, and said "well, my work is done here today. made a user cry." but i was unable to keep from adding "...but it was from happiness." which made said cow orker go "well, then. you *can't* go home yet. that's not right.")

so now i'm home and lazing around, which is just lovely, thanks. and later on there will be some company here of the most wonderful sort, and that's fabulously good too.

many yays!! also, adding one additional yay that i don't have to get up early tomorrow!

[makes a mark on Clipboard Of Yay]

beth47 @ 2007-03-18T08:49:00

2007-03-18T13:51:52Z

"whoever can't manage to balance one more piece of trash on the garbage can has to take out the trash", right?

that never works when one lives alone. [grumble]

definitely, gleefulness.

2007-03-16T12:53:47Z

...and here i thought i was gonna have to fill out a whole lotta busy-work-paperwork today, and was getting all set to be severely grouchy about it.

as it turns out, the part that was due today, i already did earlier this week. the part that is due in a couple of weeks is already written.

HAHAHAHA. [Fists O' Victory!]

a snippet of funny writing by a funny guy.

2007-03-15T03:22:41Z

book in hand, i'm off to attempt to catch up on the sleep i've needed for, oh, about three days now. SLEEP. ME NEED. ARGH.

but i can't resist sharing this silliness. (yay, silliness!)

here is just one very quick quote from the book i've been reading. ( The Areas of My Expertise by John Hodgman. you probably know Hodgman. he plays "PC" in the "PC/Mac" commercials that i love so dearly. "...you are slowly coming to a sad realization. Allow or Cancel?" [sigh] "...Allow...")

anyway.

before the preface, even, there is this:
"This reasonably priced softcover Riverhead book contains the complete text of The Areas of My Expertise . NOT A SINGLE WORD HAS BEEN OMITTED. If you purchased this book without a cover, you should be aware that it was reported as "Unsold and Destroyed" to the publisher and is stolen property. Also, you should be aware that the cover was awesome. It featured a painting of a metallic silver dragon flying up either to rescue or to eat a beautiful, nearly nude sword maiden as she falls off a cliff. All of this is overseen by the bitter glare of the ever-uncaring Triple Suns. Plus, a very flattering portrait of the Author appears within the Main Sun.
If you purchased this book with a cover, you should know that this book was accidentally reported as "Sold and Not Destroyed" to the Publisher, and both the author and the publisher have received payment for it. It is unclear how this may have happened.
But in either case:
Under arrangement with the Publisher, purchasing this book frees you from the obligation to read it."

hee hee. a suggested name change, at work.

2007-03-14T16:30:41Z

we're trying to decide what we're gonna call ourselves when we do a small re-org in the upcoming few months.

the suggestion scrawled on the whiteboard when i came in today was:

"Information Services Technology and Computer Care and Obfuscation Services".

(too bad they didn't put "Services" in there at least one more time.)

[giggles]

(...i think we're perhaps getting a wee bit tired of this.)